If you feel like you need to have your sh*t together, read this.

If you feel like you always need to have your sh*t together,

Then this reminder is for you:

You don’t have to be strong all the time.
It’s okay to need help. It’s ok to ask for help.
It’s okay to have an off day. It’s ok to take a break.
It’s okay to feel scared.
It’s okay to not know what comes next.
It’s okay to admit you are not okay.
It’s okay to cancel a meeting.
It’s okay to not do what you should be doing and do what you really want to do instead.

I learnt this the hard way!

For 30 years of my life, I felt like I needed to be strong. I thought I couldn’t be ‘weak’, or admit I was in pain, because things would somehow fall apart… People knew me as the ‘strong’ girl – it became my identity.

And I grew to become very proud of that identity until later when I realized how being ‘strong’ had led to bottled-up emotions.

I got into the habit of easily ignoring how I was feeling, no matter how painful it was. Repressed and painful emotions built up within me which greatly damaged my health and wellbeing. I had eating disorders, I was in toxic relationships, I would abuse my body, and I felt insecure as a person and in my friendships.

You see, this farce of being strong had taken away the one thing that builds deep connection – with yourself and with others – VULNERABILITY.

As a result, my relationship with myself was toxic. I felt unloved. People around me felt I could handle it all. And why wouldn’t they? I never asked for help and I didn’t express myself because I didn’t know how to!

But inside, all I craved was for someone to tell me “It’s OKAY. You don’t have to be so strong.”

When I did the work in therapy and realized this web of insecurity I had created was because I didn’t know how to be vulnerable, I felt a sense of relief.

I felt so relieved to know that I could just say I was not okay! I started by admitting it just to myself. And as it turns out, that was enough. To this day, it’s enough to just admit it to myself.

I now realize that the need to be strong was rooted in fear. The fear of being alone. The fear of abandonment. The fear of “who will do it if I don’t”.

The question to ask yourself is: What will happen if you don’t? NOTHING!

So what if you are not ok? NOTHING.

Who said you have to have it all together? No one really.

What would happen if you were to cancel the meeting or the plans? What if you were honest about how you feel? So what if you’re scared?

This is your permission slip to admit to yourself how you are feeling – in all honesty; to admit to yourself what you need and then give it to yourself